Overweight.
It’s a word I never imagined could be used to describe my 3 year old. I thought – and still think – of Peanut as “fine”. She’s small, but solid. Without so much as the suggestion of a belly. She’s active – she’ll walk up to one mile without complaint. She plays soccer, and takes dance. She eats some veggies, lots of fruits, and loves bananas. She wears a 3T – the one she’s supposed to…I think. Does vanity sizing apply to toddler clothing?
But as I stood in an exam room during Peanut’s 3 year check up a few weeks ago, it became apparent that the doctor didn’t think her height and weight matched up the way they were “supposed” to. As the pediatrician explained, her height is in the 9th percentile; her weight the 64th. I wouldn’t expect Peanut to have a fighting chance at being overly tall; the odds certainly aren’t in her favor (neither my husband nor I are particularly big).
Still.
Overweight.
By clinical standards.
I should add a disclaimer here: in that moment, I was completely horrified. Mostly because I cringe at how the word was thrown at us (and within Peanut’s earshot). Is it appropriate to use this as a descriptive for small children who are generally active and healthy? Seasoned mothers (including my own) would probably tell you that growth is a series of steps; some kids stay a little longer at one step and jump over the next.
Naturally, I can easily tell you what the ideal is for women; I’ll give you a bulleted list. Like many others, I struggled with years of body image issues. Issues I only truly shed after giving birth to a girl – an experience that greatly altered my perspective.
I know that struggle isn’t something I wish for my daughter.
Of course it’s unrealistic to believe that Peanut will never experience a moment of doubt about her appearance. But I hope that those thoughts will be fleeting; quickly replaced with ideas of how smart or strong or talented she is. That she’ll be able to quiet the voices of those few people who don’t have anything nice to say (we’re all aware of their existence).
I know I’m part of the equation. It’s a responsibility we take on as mothers.
Right then, in a cold and sterile physicians office, I became even more determined to accept myself for what I look like.
And who I am.
It’s waaaaaay too early to worry about your little girl’s weight, m’dear. Her weight being in the 64th percentile merely means she’s heavier than 64% of girls her age. What I have found is my girls will put on weight, then have a major growth spurt and their legs will get 3 inches longer in the space of a month. It’s sound like you’re doing everything right, encouraging exorcise, and great eating habits. Take a deep breath. She’s going to be just fine.
Hi Jennifer, thanks for your comment! I agree with you, definitely. That being said I wanted to write this because in raising a daughter I want to remember how important it is to encourage her how amazing she is all around – and to ignore the nagging external voices.
Thank you for sharing this. Personally, I think some physicians need to reevaluate their bedside manor. Calling a toddler overweight, who is visibly in the normal range, seems completely inappropriate. When young ears hear these things, it has the potential to have an effect on their self-perception and disrobe their confidence as they age and grow. As a mother, you are completely on target by prescribing to love yourself and lead by example. She is one lucky little girl!
Wait a minute! The DOCTOR said she was overweight?!? Surely not…. If so, and in Peanut’s hearing, you need a new pediatrician!
You have really touched on some vital issues in today’s society, and things that are impossible not to think about in raising a daughter. You are intelligent and realize your daughter is not overweight, clinically or not. And, it really doesn’t sound like that is even what you are striving to write about here. Rather, I see this as a post on self-confidence and self-love.
You are right – there will always be a negative voice at points in her life. Part of motherhood is teaching her to ignore and overcome that influence and be her best self. Bravo to recognizing that!
Yes, Jennifer. It was the doctor referring to P as “overweight”. Those were her words, not mine.
seems a little early to be worrying about her being overweight. for that to be said within earshot of her seem pretty insensitive on the part of the doctor too. no need to give her issues this early in life about her weight. i was a chunky little girl and later morphed into a lanky young girl. we all go through stages. good grief, doc.
Even factoring in the obesity epidemic our country is in, it seems inappropriate to call a 3 year-old overweight in her hearing. Because kids do hear what adults say and other kids are mean and why invite problems? A quiet word to a parent to keep an eye on the situation would be sufficient, I would think.
When I was 16, my mother told me “Jesus, kid! You ass is an ax-handle and a half across!” I never forgot it and I was uncomfortable with my body for decades afterwards. I have vowed not to subject my daughters to anything similar.