So, I found out why the sugar free ice cream gave me so much gas (TMI, maybe. But, of course, we’re all friends here). It’s because sometimes sugar free sweets have sugar free alcohols! And these alcohols can wreak havoc in certain individuals! Fascinating, right? I still haven’t solved any form of world conflict, or figured out a way to decrease the deficit, or welcome as many Haitian orphans as possible into my 800 square foot apartment. But, I can control my digestion. I guess that’s the first step in making friends, at least.
I texted The Husband, to let him know. Because, it’s kind of important (duh). He was all like “you have the weirdest information. But ok.” Seems he has other things to think about during the day. I’m not judging. He will thank me later. Promises, hugs, and kisses.
Anyway. This is just another seemingly useless nugget garnered from the black hole that is “Today”.
You may be wondering, “Sarah, when the freak did you start getting all your worldly information from The Today Show?” Well, really. There are two semi-certainties here: a) it coincided, more or less, with the birth of Peanut, and b) Matt Lauer is truly the golden oracle (a better looking human version, at least).
Honestly. I feel like NBC tortures me (most inhumanely) by offering up four hours (four hours?!?) of fluffy news on a silver platter. A silver platter lined with chocolate covered strawberries, dancing cats, and flattering jeans. Then, in a radical twist, fate keeps plunking me in social situations where I am compelled to make non-baby conversation (ok. To be real, this doesn’t happen often. But when it does, I am forced to dig through my shoddy repertoire. Which is almost entirely…you guessed it…“Today” based).
I used to detest Kathie Lee and Hoda. Now I crave their presence. Did I mention I fanned them on Facebook? I guess that was the “bottom”. For me.
And you know what? I love it here. At the bottom. In fact, I have unequivocally decided to just keep feeding. Ahem, watching.
How’s that for a (not so) guilty pleasure?